jenn| Leveling up to 41 this week, an overwhelming wave of reflection has passed over me, pretty impossible to ignore. Guys- this last year has been a wild one for me. And by wild – I mean there has been a whole lot of “nothing” happening. But my big lesson in this – is that doing NOTHING is actually doing SOMETHING. Thank you, my therapist, Sam, for continuously reminding me of this. How often do you feel guilty about rest? Guilty that you want to take time for yourself? Guilty that you NEED to take time for yourself? My body has been screaming at me this last year. When I experienced an avalanche of a heartbreak after Chris’s death in 2021, I gave myself a short amount of time to grieve. I allowed myself to feel and then I told myself, ok, it’s been long enough, you can move on now. And I tried. Man, have I tried. I started therapy. I started to date a year after Chris died. I even found myself in a new relationship. I solo tripped (traveled – not mushrooms; that has just been a microdose at a time 😉). And then I had some health issues. Hormones went way out of balance. My hair was falling out. My face was breaking out. I had no energy. No motivation. No sex drive. My body rebelled against me. I had rested as long as I thought that I “should” rest — But I didn’t rest enough for ME. I didn’t give myself all the space that my soul was craving. Months later, I find myself single again, the last eclipse transmuting what once was. A whirlwind romance that served us both so strongly in the time we were together, but was only meant as a short-term soul contract. The last three months, I’ve been spending so much time with myself, and spending more time with a community of high-vibe women, spending so much time nurturing my houseplants, spending so much time in nature, barefoot walking, sun gazing, soul searching. And with the Buck Moon, I felt another huge shift. And it’s time for another release. I’m putting a big pause on my nutrition coaching business. A business that served me so well for over 4 years, and a business that helped me transform so many men and women. A business that defined me and merged all of my passions of fitness and nutrition and coaching and helping others heal. A business that filled my cup and filled my soul and lit me up everyday working on it, until I woke up one day– and it no longer did. A flip of a switch – relationship over. An instant shift – a business closed. I am on the cusp of something- The vision keeps popping up – sitting around a bonfire, barefoot at my new house (that has not yet manifested itself yet), a gathering of women, facilitating something magical. The house with the indoor fireplace, and first floor laundry. The massive windows with so much natural light beaming in and a sunroom to house my 100+ houseplants, and the patio out back. The 1000 sq ft cute homestead, surrounded by trees, an outdoor garden, a long driveway back into my hidden oasis. My sanctum of tranquility. I am being called so strongly to bring women together – and despite this clear vision – I literally have no idea what capacity this will be in, or what we will be doing or what the purpose even is at the moment.. but it’s coming. And for the moment- I’ll be here, resting. |
| –Jenn |
